How to Survive Facebook

Facebook. I remember a time when in order to find out what was going on in someone's life you had to hangout or call them. This was also the time when people on average had friends in single or double digits. I mean friends not people whose status you might "like" just to keep that small piece of thread you have attached to one another held together or the status you might "like" just to hope that they see that you liked his or her status and they contact you cause maybe it's someone you have been crushing on for quite sometime. Nowadays we are "friends" with people we may never actually meet or ever hangout with. Some people will add just about everyone just to see that number grow and grow. I mean seriously, does this fill some kind of void in your life? Does having 1500 or 2000 "friends" make you feel complete? We all know people who do this and we all know most of the time we confirm them. I don't know if you're like me, but if someone friends me and doesn't follow through with a "Hi thanks for the add...we know so and so...we met at a party...we had sex last night"...blah blah blah most likely I'll delete you if there is never any form of contact, unless of course you're really cute then sure why not. So if you're one of those people I suggest you find other means of communicating with people. Some people on rare occasion may think that you having thousands of friends is pretty cool, but many are probably talking behind your back and think you're either really full of yourself or are really lonely. Maybe you're just one of those lucky people who is just so popular you are still friends with people in high school, college, have a really large family, and work at a large company where you're so well liked your co-workers all want to be your friend too. Secretly they are just checking on how many hours your clocked in on facebook rather than doing work and are complaining about you at lunch about how you do nothing but hangout on facebook. If this is the case, before you lose your job and then are doing real internet stuff like job searching try and check facebook twice. Once in the morning and once at night. I don't think you'll have missed much.

Facebook. If you ever enjoyed being friends with someone and then focused on their status updates, pictures, etc. sometimes you're left with this sad feeling of regret for ever friending them in the first place. Facebook has a way of bringing out the worst in people, very rarely the best. I've known people that I may have once dated or just was friends with and then after seeing their facebook statuses I think "damn are they that full of themselves?" "Do they really hate the world that much?" "Do they have self esteem issues?" "Do they have any idea that their rant may sound really smart in his or her head, but makes them look foolish and crazy?" If you think you are one of these people, before you post that pic or status, think about it a little more. Think..."am I doing this just to get attention?" You know you've sometimes posted a status just to see how many likes you're going to get. We are all guilty of it. I post pictures of food I cook sometimes. Does anyone really give a shit that I made risotto in a pumpkin or baked a cake for someone. NO. Does anyone want to see your vacation pictures in the Caribbean while they are at work and it's 20 degrees out? Doubt it. But it feels good to get recognition for things. I mean come on who doesn't like it when their birthday arrives and you are constantly checking to see how many happy birthday messages you received. NOW remember those 2,000 people you are friends with...how many said happy birthday? hmmm. If you are one of THESE people, my suggestion is take it for what it is...people said happy birthday to you that's great. Concentrate on going out with the people that actually matter and enjoy yourself. Don't let a program dictate how you feel from day to day.

Facebook. Very bad for relationships. If you're one of those people who is constantly checking your girlfriend or boyfriend's facebook page and are constantly noticing how many new friends they add you may be driving yourself crazy or maybe you're on to something. Either way paranoia will settle in and can severely damage a relationship. I once dated a guy who after we broke up friended at least 30 men and one of those men happened to be a man I suspected he cheated on me with from another country. Sometimes facebook can reveal the truth about people. My advice is if you decide you want to remain friends with someone you were in a relationship with and you know you will constantly be obsessing over who they friend, waiting for the dreaded "in a relationship" status update, checking every new photo they post, then maybe you should see a therapist and hide them so you can't see their posts anymore that way you can have the comfort of knowing you are still "friends" but don't have to worry about every time you sign on seeing something that may ruin your day. Maybe you're at the beginning stages of seeing someone and one day you get an alert on your phone saying that person has friended you. OH SHIT! You frantically sign on and check everything on your page before friending them. If you do this then maybe you need to reevaluate some of your actions or STOP! If you have to go and edit your facebook page for fear they may see something you don't want them to see then you're not being yourself and that's shitty. It's the same as first impressions within first dates. Stop trying to act like someone you are not. I'm a klutz and I one time spilt a beer on my date. I was horrified, but after we stopped seeing each other and his true colors came out I should have smashed him with the bottle. The point is be yourself on a first date...I am. If I am on a date with someone I just be my klutzy, dorky, This is who I am...take it or leave it self...it's the same with facebook. I once hid a blog just because I was afraid it would make me look crazy. Then I thought so what! If I look crazy and they don't like it then I know they weren't meant to be with me. Also, if you do add this person and then you obsess over how many people they friended at once whom all happen to be of the sex you know they date then maybe the guy or girl you like is a big HO and you are just one of many. Truthfully, watch out for this. Most, not all, of the time you really just are one guy or girl out of many.

Facebook. It's a playground for Obsession. Anger. Depression. Envy. Unemployment. Facebook really isn't the place to go and rant about how much you hate your boss or a co-worker. Sometimes you may forget your friends with one of them. Ooops. Sometimes you may start talking shit about someone and then realize uhoh they were on that thread. It's like texting. Have you ever texted the wrong person before? I once hooked up with this guy, he was so beautiful, except his err male parts were pretty tiny. On my way home I do what many people do (at least I think they do and text there bestfriend about it) may be I just do that and I have an issue...anyways the conversation went like this:

Craig: OMG I just hooked up with the hottest guy *sends pic*
Matt: Wow he is hot
Craig: Right! His dick was really small though
Hookup guy: LMAO Ummm I don't think that was meant for me.

The HORROR. Anyways think before you do anything on facebook. I mean right now I could sound like a total hypocrite by writing this crazy blog entry but it's meant to be funny haha...no there is some truth in all of this. Facebook can be really cool if used with caution. Don't rant. Don't obsessively post pictures of yourself. Don't stay friends with exes if you know you're going to drive yourself crazy. If you want to show the world how happy you are with your friends, loved ones, boyfriend or girlfriend...that's awesome, but sometimes it can be hard for others to be really happy for you when you have something they want. It turns into a nananana :-p look what I have thing. But what do we do we "like it" because that's what we are supposed to do.

Happy Facebooking

Pride

Just about a year ago I started a blog. It began with me wanting to have a voice and evolved into notions regarding truth and honesty. Renewal and forgiveness. Integrity and pride. It has been my catharsis and will continue to be that way, whether I write twice in one week or once a month. It has been my way to cut open my heart and my mind and see all the tiny parts inside that make it beat and feel, think and learn. I wasn't expecting to fix myself, I don't think I necessarily need fixing, however I was trying to learn more about myself through my words and to grow into a better person. I wanted to learn how I operate. Why do I do the things that I do. I was also attempting to allow others into my world and to get to know me and to see who I am as a person. I think I accomplished this, at least to those who were open and willing to get to know me and so if anyone is reading this, Thank you. I still have a long way to go, but I think I am headed in the right direction.

I've learned a lot about myself. For one, It has taken me a long time to get used to the fact that I can't please everyone. Some people will just dislike you but all you have to really worry about is liking yourself, which I am afraid from my observation doesn't happen much in our culture. Body image has gotten a tad out of control and social media hasn't helped much. for instance, Facebook I believe is the devil. It has become our playground for getting recognition from others. No matter how many pictures of yourself you post and how many likes you receive, at the end of the day, if you didn't like yourself before that underwear or gym shot your still not going to like yourself tomorrow. Within the gay culture, the gym has become less about being healthy for one's benefit and more about proving to others just how "masculine" one can be. Fortunately, I wasn't around when being gay meant having to form underground clubs and so happy that after high school doing things just to prove I wasn't a "queer" began to fade. We have come such a long way that it sickens me to see so many gay men in one way or another self-hating themselves. I have body image issues as do most people but I'm not out to prove anything. I have a name, it is Craig. Not Bro or Man. We are incredibly complicated. I mean lately I've been surprised by so many people's behavior to the point where I am stopped dead in my tracks and I think, "really, did that just happen?" I have a fascination with Psychology so maybe I read too much into people's behavior but sometimes I want to ask someone (sometimes by force, with my hands around his or her neck) and say, "What the hell is wrong with you?" Not to say sometimes I say those words to myself now and then, but despite some others I am open to changing myself for the better.

I've learned that I have to do a better job in letting go of the past. I have a hard time accepting that people just come and go out of our lives. Of course there are people that I don't necessarily want to see again but for them to just become a distant memory saddens me. When I become friends with someone, when I am intimate with someone, or when I just have a meaningful conversation with someone they become a part of my being. We learn everyday about ourselves through our interactions with others. What makes me fearful are those who choose not to learn from their bad behavior or are too afraid to make the choices they know are right, for fear of loneliness or judgment. I'm sad knowing there are people I have become close to that I may never see again because I couldn't give them what they wanted or they couldn't give me what I wanted and so we do the inevitable, "maybe I'll see you around" thing.

I've learned that I have fear inside me that goes so deep I lose myself in illusion. I lose myself in what is not real and what I wish could be real. I fear I will never get the things that I want out of life and not leaving a legacy behind, but that goes hand in hand with not letting go of my past, because it's the past that coincidentally blinds us from seeing what can be achieved in our lives. Remaining hopeful is my only remedy to put all of my fears at bay and realizing that I may not get what I want out of life. So many of us don't. That wasn't intended to be pessimistic, but realistic. After all, that saying about making lemonade out of lemons is pretty damn important.

Mostly, I have learned that I matter. That's pride in a nutshell. It's virtue not vanity that keeps our spirit cleansed and what defends us from hating ourselves and each other.