Love Letter

Dear Craig,

I hope this finds you well. We haven't spoken in quite some time so I thought it was about time I reached out.

Congratulations on your marriage! I heard it was beautiful. I look at your photos often and they give me comfort. The unknown can be frightening, but when I look at your photos I see balance. Life can easily crack the strongest foundation but the love of family and friends can quickly seal the brokenness of spirit. That gives me hope.

I've always felt you had a heavy heart. I know that sometimes you try to do the right thing and it constantly backfires on you. Don't feel discouraged. If others can't see what I see than allow blindness to be their downfall. You enjoy making people happy because you attempt to share in their pain and by comforting them you think you have comforted yourself. Is letting your own feelings show such a terrible thing? I know you have a hard time crying in front of others. How many times have you told me that you wished you could bury your face in Joshua and just cry your heart out. What's stopping you? I can't answer these questions for you. You'll just have to figure that out for yourself.

You're a fool to believe that just because you attempt to be a good person you will be rewarded. That type of belief is damaging to your soul. Just BE a good person. You're also a fool to believe someone other than yourself will hold a map to your life. Existence is hard. It's full of weeds and dust. Stop creating diversions. Let your heart and soul clear those roads less traveled and be patient. You give up too easily. Why are you so afraid?

You may be reading this and thinking, what kind of friend am I, but it's because I care about you that I write this. I've seen you drag yourself through the mud more than once. I've heard you calling out, screaming. I've felt you almost give up. You feel as though you are spinning out of control and despite your "glass half full" mentality, it's no good if your glass is full of poison. When all you see is darkness I hope you can find it within yourself to forgive me. Maybe then, you can open up those blinds and let some light in.

You're allowing others to intimidate you. There will always be others who are smarter than you, but guess what? There will always be someone smarter than them as well. How do you perceive intelligence? If the day comes that you feel it's time for a change, trust yourself. If you believe you're failing just begin again. There is no courage in bringing others down for how you feel inside yourself. Courage is admitting you failed and learning from your mistakes. You are stupid for thinking you are stupid. Never let others make you feel less of yourself.

You've lost friends along the way. You think about them often. You've also gained many more. I can tell. I hope you still consider me one. I hope you don't hate me for writing all of this, but I felt it was about time you began seeing things clearer. Someone needs to help you put things in perspective. Facing yourself is scarier than any nightmare you can conjure up. I know you and I can at least agree on that.

Before I go, just know that I love you. There have been times I've hated you. I've pitied you, as well. It's only because when I look at you, I see parts of myself I've kept buried. I really don't want to face any of my demons, but you constantly force me to. I think that's how we got here, don't you? I forgive you for that. In fact, thank you. You're a complicated soul, but that's one thing I love about you. You tell people you're an open book, but I still think you keep people at arms length. I think people may surprise you. You're too quick to judge.

I hope one day we can make peace with each other. I'd hate to let our lives go by with you feeling it was only your fault. I'm just as guilty. If in fact I never hear from you, I wish you all the best. If by happenstance I run into you, I hope you don't look the other way. Even just a ghost of a smile would be less haunting than avoidance. Don't carry the weight of the world on your shoulders.

Yours truly.