Perfectly Imperfect

So it's a new year. Hopefully it'll be filled with a lot of love and wise choices for me and for all those I care about. I'm not fond of cliche, in fact, it annoys me. It devalues what used to be meaningful expressions. Correction... I guess I love cliche, but the idea that certain expressions become cliche mostly because certain expressions are taken for granted angers me. For instance, I can say I will reflect on last year and think about choices I made and make a resolution that I will make better ones in the new year and then in a month or so go back to my normal everyday life and the feeling of a clean slate will once again become tarnished. But as cliche as reflection and resolutions are, I don't feel that it should lose the value of its purpose. We should reflect on the past year and our lives in general and try and make better choices and be better people in the new year and maybe our resolutions won't last, but cheers for giving it a good shot.

The events in Newtown CT struck me to the core, like it did for almost everyone with a heart. I can't think about those families without welling up and feeling such intense sorrow for all of them. One of the parents were interviewed by Katie Couric and the mother said that she felt sorry for Adam Lanza. She said she couldn't imagine what a dark and evil place he must have gone too and that she was sad that that is where he was. This mother whose child was murdered could say words like these. I cried for the pain they were feeling and I cried for the strength that she and her husband must have to be able to let anger and hatred go for a man who could kill their beautiful child. Could I ever be that strong? I hope and pray I never have to suffer from the loss of a child and in such a despairing way. I hope that I can have the sort of strength this family and all the others have. When I think that these children will never feel what it is to be in love with another, to have their first kiss, to graduate from college, etc. I can only reflect on not what I haven't experienced but what I have been grateful to have experienced.

What better day to experience Deja Vu than on New Years Day. I was taking a beautiful walk at Broadmoor Wildlife Sanctuary, taking in the beauty and calm of nature and enjoying the company that I was with, when all of a sudden I had that feeling that I had been here once before. I always find comfort in that feeling. My take on Deja Vu is that it is the world's way of telling me that I am on the right path in my life. Maybe I had been here before in another life and by experiencing it all over again I am right where I belong. Just like the power of prayer and the belief in God comforts people, whether it be real or not, if something comforts you and gives you hope then in my eyes it is amazing. It is worth feeling. I believe that all that I search for and all the questions I need answers to will come in time and I need to live in the moment and relish in all the things that I have that really should mean something to me.

We always want more and more and more and we always lose sight of what we have right in front of us. We lose sight of what necessities we have that others do not and many times we brag about the things that are not necessities. In my own life, I lose sight of the idea that I have power over my own life and that the choices I make are MY choices and I am the only one to blame for its consequences. With that being said I am making a promise to myself to stick with my ideologies and maybe tweak my way of thinking about certain things. Things that I am fearful and anxious of. Things that consume my mind. Most of all stop worrying about my insecurities and knowing that no one is perfect and saying to myself that I am perfectly imperfect. I am who I am supposed to be and some of it may not be pretty, but I am perfect just the same.