40

To starting a new decade,
wondering what is around the corner,
good or bad. 
Forks in the road, how do I choose?

With self-doubt mixed with unconcern,
A faulty self-image mixed with unrelenting confidence,

Another crack as I bend, pop as I turn,

An unrecognized pain

I relish in the quiet,

overcome with memories,

good and bad.

Will I allow myself to forget the bad?

With another friend lost,

confused as to why, but answers not found.

Determined to break the patterns,

courage to break from cages, I have made.

Brave enough not to blame myself,

for everything.

Enjoying the calm.

Am I afraid of letting in the noise?

With more trials to overcome,

the feeling of knowing myself mixed with the fear,

of wondering if my truth is a lie.

A bitter reckoning.

A metamorphosis that permits looking inward,

with a brave mind.

Breathing deeply, 

letting out more than I let in.

Can I truly let go?

With another supplement containing humility,

swallowed down with pride.

Reminding myself that it's ok to reinvent.

A gift.

Oh how the little things matter more than ever.

Falling in love with repetition, yet hating static.

Maybe everything I wanted a decade ago hasn't come to pass,

is it ever too late?

With keeping memories that matter fresh,

unbothered by forgetting the reason I walked into that room,

a minute ago.

Enjoy the ride.

And although I may still compare myself to others,

though I may deny it,

recognize the handsome uniqueness.

Has it truly been 40 years?

With taking it all in,

but not dwelling, so that my light doesn't dim.

Not staying still for too long,

yet staying grounded.

And recognize I matter, 

That I'm not just made of matter, but alive and well.

Change is not my nemesis,

can I begin again?

To start a new path at 40.