Greatest Story Never Told

The greatest story never told is yours and mine. Each one of us has a story that is worth telling and worth listening too. I love people watching. I can sit outside all day long and just watch people and their interactions with one another. I did the other day actually...I was sitting in the common with my ice pumpkin latte from starbucks, which by the way is amazing and tastes like liquid pumpkin pie....anyways I was sitting there mostly thinking about my life and all the right and wrong choices I have made that have led me to where I am right now. Most people I think would agree that they aren't where they thought they would be exactly, but we just deal with what life has given us. I try to challenge that everyday. I don't want to think about my life in terms of dealing. I'm not willing to accept that. When I am people watching I have a habit of guessing or imagining what his or her life must be like or what they have experienced in their lives. What struggles have they faced, what has brought them happiness, etc. The other day I saw the movie Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, not only did it bring tears to my eyes, but it made me want to reach out to people and learn more about them. There's so much we can learn from one another and it's so easy how we can be inspired to be better people by listening to someone elses story. I don't really mean to be so sappy but it hurts my heart how cruel people can be to one another without at least getting to know someone first.

The influence other people have on our lives is insane. I admire people who make it a point to have their own voice and aren't afraid to be leaders. People mostly make judgments of others by what they might hear or say not by their own interactions with those people they make judgments of. The last blog I had wrote was due in part by a group of men who even at the age of 30 had the ability to make me feel like I was worth far less more than I really am. What bothered me even more were two out of those people I knew intimately. The fact is I have always A. Made it a point to stick up for people in my life that I care about and B. Speak up when I see or hear something going on that is wrong. I'd like to think that I can impress upon others the importance of open mindedness. I like to also believe that people are inherently good and mean well, but act in unflattering ways due to outside forces.

I feel as though most of my decisions in life have not been entirely ones that I wanted to make for myself but more decisions I have made based on other people's opinions which we all know are usually biased and selfish. Who ends up suffering? Not them. So why do we do that? I'm tired of making other people happy in turn making myself miserable. I've also made certain decisions because I was too insecure to do what I know was right. For awhile I had felt so lonely and felt like there was no one in my life who necessarily needed me. If you have felt that way before you know how scary and worthless it can make you feel. I have such a desire to be needed and wanted and in one moment I reverted back to texting my ex because of all people I know I knew he was someone who I could fall back on. Old reliable. Well what a good slap in the face it was when he basically told me it was my problem not his. I needed that...I needed to hear that bad. When I told my best friend Matt this the other day he said to me, "Well I need you" it was the first time despite my continous pledge to be independent that I realized how self involved I was actually being in a way. Like I was whining..."No one loves me...wah wah wah" I think this self discovery is one that a lot of couples in bad relationships have not come to realize. Everyone is so afraid of being alone they cling to someone that gives them just an ounce of happiness but isn't good for them most of the time.

Coming full circle, if we just learned to be more independent and not let others influence us and realize our own self worth we'd all be better people in the end. What a concept.

Quick snippets of myself: I love rainy days and being caught in the rain..making out in the rain, the smell of rain. I love to cook. Waking up to a chilly room...waking up to a chilly room next to someone. I sleep naked. My favorite show of all time is Buffy the Vampire Slayer. My favorite show now is The Walking Dead. I'm a loud talker....I have no indoor voice. I do and say things entirely too quickly without giving it much thought which gets me in trouble. I'm a klutz. I hate the gym although I tell people I love it. My favorite dessert is cake and ice cream together. I laugh at inappropriate times especially when I am nervous. I get teary eyed when I have to speak up to authority figures. I love love love christmas. I love to cuddle. I love the Fall. I hate Winter. I'm not afraid to say that Ptown is overrated and I'd rather travel somewhere inspiring rather than feel like I need to go to the nearest clinic when I get home. I want children. I want a wedding. I love going to baseball games. I want to travel all over the world. Love to sing in my car. Afraid of karaoke. I spend entirely too much time worrying about other's opinions of myself. My favorite meal is pizza. My favorite comfort food is grilled cheese and tomato soup. I over analyze everything to death. I love bowling. I hate people who are tactless, snobby, close minded and I refuse to be friends with those who are. I'm a bad dancer, but I love to dance. Love to play pool. I speak my mind. Favorite movie is Wizard of Oz. I like making people laugh. I cry at movies all the time. I like having close relationships to my boyfriend's family especially the mom. I hate making promises I can't keep. I want to be in love above anything else. I think people say I love you far too often or not enough at all. Good cook. Love board games. Drinking wine. My favorite thing to do in Boston is go to the Improv Asylum. I love the beach. I'm afraid of roller coasters. I love anything Disney. Good Conversation. I wish I knew how to play the piano. I love volleyball which I also suck at. I hate when I lie just to please others. I love my pugs...miss them :-(. Love lattes and the smell of fresh coffee in the morning. Breakfast in bed. Prefer the night rather than the morning. Love ethnic food...could never date a meat and potatoes guy only. Wish I had a large family. Happy I live in city. Love the T. Love taking road trips. Baking. Being romantic. LOVE horror movies, but afraid of the dark after a horror movie. Kid at Heart. Can get incredibly motion sickness. Can't do a cartwheel.  Much rather spend the day with friends at a bar than go clubbing. Love eating out. I get anxiety during Halloween...not big into dressing up. Will never do drag. I bite my nails a lot. I enjoy going to the dentist. I have a major sweet tooth. Hate making excuses for my behavior. Like romance. Love the feeling of being with someone you can be yourself around. I'm a Celine Dion fan. I'm patient with others. I'm impatient with others. Every now and then I enjoy a good argument. Enjoy a good cry. Miss Saturday Morning Cartoons. I hate wearing ties. Love wearing sweatshirts. I eat peanut butter out of the jar. I hate hurting decent people. I love telling people off who deserve it. I love fast food. I hate fast food. I love camping. I spend entirely too much time saying than doing. Love a good love ballad. The Theater. Enjoy taking care of people when they are sick. Enjoy photography. Never learned how to drive stick or change a tire. Don't know how to ice skate. Afraid of falling. Afraid of heights. Love to swim. Get road rage. My favorite kids book was "Are You My Mother" was obsessed with R.L Stine books in grade school. Love cotton candy. Love water parks. Very intuitive. Afraid of holding new borns. Love bubble gum and blowing bubbles. I talk with food in mouth. I'm afraid of public speaking. My ears get red when I'm sick. My body is disproportionate. I love animals. LOVE puppies and kittens. I want to volunteer in Africa. My biggest fear is never finding my soulmate. Love hot chocalate and apple cider. Love apple picking. My favorite thing to do in NY is go to the Bronx Zoo, Don't miss NY, Love living in Somerville. Love to shop. Love going to the movies. Hate complainers. Can't stand people who take life too seriously. Can't stand people who don't take life serious at all ....